Northbound

Last August, I published a set of predictions for the 2006 NFL season.  I promised to do the same for 2007, and those predictions are below.  But first, some discussion about these predictions:

• What, are you mental?  No. 
• Seriously.  You can’t expect to predict NFL games before training camp.  Obviously.
• Then what’s the dealio?  Well, these are random predictions.  I use the random number generator in Excel to generate random scores based on past performances.  I call them my Completely Algorithmic Random Projections (CARP) when they’re good, because even when they’re good they’re kind of fishy, and my Completely Random Algorithmic Predictions (CRAP) when they’re not so good.
• Why bother?  Look, you have tons of people who follow the NFL and know their stuff making these kind of predictions every day — in the offseason, no less.  I am just an ordinary fan, but any prediction that I make is just as valid as any prediction that anyone from ESPN or SI.com makes — that is to say, my stupid predictions aren’t any more or less stupid than their stupid predictions.  Because you just never know.
• But your picks are insane.  Yes.  I am following a great tradition here; illustrating absurdity by being absurd.  My picks are insane.  I don’t seriously think that both Indianapolis and New England will go 9-7, and I don’t really think that Green Bay will go 12-4.  So don’t bother e-mailing me and telling me that my picks are dumb.  I know that.  That’s the point.  My dumb picks are just as likely to be right as the picks of really smart people.  (I had a winning record last year if that tells you anything.)
• So why make picks?  My goal is to pick the final score of one NFL game right this year on a random basis.  Just one.  In two games last year, I missed the final score by one point.  In two other games, I was off by two points.  I want to get one exactly right this year.

Anyway, here are your 2007 NFL predictions – complete with standings, playoff predictions, and the Dallas Cowboys becoming the first team ever to win six Super Bowls.  Enjoy.

WEEK 1
Arizona 34, San Francisco 17
Minnesota 18, Atlanta 13
Baltimore 17, Cincinnati 16
St. Louis 18, Carolina 6
San Diego 45, Chicago 16
Denver 17, Buffalo 16
Detroit 13, Oakland 10
Kansas City 45, Houston 13
Miami 17, Washington 14
Dallas 21, New York Giants 20
New York Jets 38, New England 23
New Orleans 34, Indianapolis 20
Green Bay 24, Philadelphia 15
Cleveland 14, Pittsburgh 0
Tampa Bay 27, Seattle 24
Tennessee 31, Jacksonville 30

WEEK 2
Jacksonville 22, Atlanta 6
Pittsburgh 34, Buffalo 10
Cincinnati 23, Cleveland 10
Dallas 27, Miami 13
Green Bay 34, New York Giants 27
Carolina 23, Houston 22
Tennessee 21, Indianapolis 14
Kansas City 45, Chicago 26
Detroit 35, Minnesota 7
Baltimore 16, New York Jets 14
New Orleans 27, Tampa Bay 7
Oakland 14, Denver 10
San Diego 40, New England 21
San Francisco 22, St. Louis 17
Seattle 33, Arizona 13
Philadelphia 12, Washington 3

WEEK 3
Arizona 19, Baltimore 3
New England 21, Buffalo 7
Philadelphia 24, Detroit 21
Indianapolis 36, Houston 13
Miami 29, New York Jets 20
Minnesota 34, Kansas City 31
Green Bay 31, San Diego 17
Pittsburgh 23, San Francisco 9
Tampa Bay 27, St. Louis 24
Seattle 42, Cincinnati 21
Cleveland 23, Oakland 13
Denver 17, Jacksonville 7
Carolina 37, Atlanta 32
New York Giants 27, Washington 22
Chicago 28, Dallas 19
Tennessee 30, New Orleans 10

WEEK 4
Baltimore 27, Cleveland 14
Chicago 26, Detroit 13
Green Bay 24, Minnesota 3
Houston 15, Atlanta 11
Buffalo 9, New York Jets 0
Oakland 21, Miami 14
St. Louis 31, Dallas 23
Seattle 27, San Francisco 10
Carolina 32, Tampa Bay 0
Denver 37, Indianapolis 17
San Diego 31, Kansas City 10
Pittsburgh 38, Arizona 19
New York Giants 36, Philadelphia 7
Cincinnati 38, New England 35

WEEK 5
Arizona 26, St. Louis 9
Atlanta 29, Tennessee 7
Carolina 24, New Orleans 21
New England 31, Cleveland 9
Detroit 24, Washington 17
Jacksonville 20, Kansas City 10
Miami 20, Houston 15
New York Giants 26, New York Jets 10
Seattle 34, Pittsburgh 13
Indianapolis 17, Tampa Bay 10
San Francisco 24, Baltimore 10
Denver 22, San Diego 20
Green Bay 48, Chicago 13
Dallas 21, Buffalo 7

WEEK 6
Kansas City 49, Cincinnati 17
Jacksonville 18, Houston 16
Miami 13, Cleveland 12
Minnesota 27, Chicago 17
New York Jets 20, Philadelphia 10
St. Louis 18, Baltimore 16
Tampa Bay 27, Tennessee 26
Green Bay 24, Washington 13
Arizona 31, Carolina 3
New England 20, Dallas 19
Oakland 19, San Diego 13
Seattle 16, New Orleans 13
Atlanta 32, New York Giants 27

WEEK 7
Arizona 12, Washington 9
Atlanta 17, New Orleans 16
Baltimore 30, Buffalo 7
Minnesota 27, Dallas 21
New England 40, Miami 21
New York Giants 30, San Francisco 10
Detroit 13, Tampa Bay 6
Tennessee 23, Houston 20
Kansas City 45, Oakland 21
Cincinnati 37, New York Jets 23
Philadelphia 23, Chicago 9
Seattle 41, St. Louis 31
Denver 20, Pittsburgh 7
Indianapolis 27, Jacksonville 13

WEEK 8
St. Louis 20, Cleveland 17
Detroit 28, Chicago 22
Carolina 37, Indianapolis 24
Miami 23, New York Giants 20
Oakland 17, Tennessee 13
Philadelphia 24, Minnesota 19
Pittsburgh 27, Cincinnati 13
New York Jets 31, Buffalo 14
San Diego 31, Houston 17
Jacksonville 21, Tampa Bay 6
New Orleans 34, San Francisco 31
Washington 35, New England 20
Green Bay 34, Denver 10

WEEK 9
Arizona 19, Tampa Bay 7
Tennessee 25, Carolina 13
Cincinnati 42, Buffalo 20
Denver 34, Detroit 20
Kansas City 35, Green Bay 34
Jacksonville 37, New Orleans 19
San Diego 21, Minnesota 16
Atlanta 10, San Francisco 3
New York Jets 20, Washington 17
Cleveland 13, Seattle 9
Oakland 13, Houston 10
Indianapolis 45, New England 17
Dallas 34, Philadelphia 10
Pittsburgh 41, Baltimore 30

WEEK 10
Carolina 24, Atlanta 0
Miami 9, Buffalo 7
Pittsburgh 34, Cleveland 20
Denver 20, Kansas City 10
Tennessee 33, Jacksonville 26
Green Bay 24, Minnesota 12
Washington 24, Philadelphia 7
New Orleans 21, St. Louis 17
Cincinnati 41, Baltimore 20
Oakland 14, Chicago 7
Dallas 19, New York Giants 17
Arizona 26, Detroit 13
San Diego 43, Indianapolis 17
San Francisco 28, Seattle 27

WEEK 11
Arizona 34, Cincinnati 26
Carolina 24, Green Bay 16
Baltimore 27, Cleveland 17
Indianapolis 24, Kansas City 23
Philadelphia 20, Miami 10
New England 21, Buffalo 6
Houston 15, New Orleans 12
Minnesota 28, Oakland 10
Pittsburgh 34, New York Jets 20
San Diego 27, Jacksonville 20
Atlanta 25, Tampa Bay 14
Washington 16, Dallas 10
New York Giants 21, Detroit 10
San Francisco 31, St. Louis 7
Seattle 27, Chicago 24
Denver 33, Tennessee 31

WEEK 12
Green Bay 24, Detroit 13
Dallas 31, New York Jets 0
Atlanta 35, Indianapolis 27
Jacksonville 24, Buffalo 14
Denver 24, Chicago 10
Houston 30, Cleveland 10
New York Giants 22, Minnesota 13
New Orleans 23, Carolina 21
Kansas City 23, Oakland 9
Seattle 37, St. Louis 28
Cincinnati 16, Tennessee 10
Tampa Bay 31, Washington 17
Arizona 38, San Francisco 7
San Diego 17, Baltimore 3
New England 42, Philadelphia 24
Pittsburgh 28, Miami 13

WEEK 13
Dallas 20, Green Bay 17
Atlanta 34, St. Louis 16
Washington 17, Buffalo 9
Minnesota 10, Detroit 7
Tennessee 30, Houston 14
Indianapolis 34, Jacksonville 30
New York Jets 16, Miami 10
Kansas City 28, San Diego 21
Philadelphia 30, Seattle 21
Carolina 20, San Francisco 19
New Orleans 30, Tampa Bay 7
Cleveland 20, Arizona 17
Oakland 20, Denver 17
New York Giants 13, Chicago 10
Pittsburgh 34, Cincinnati 27
Baltimore 30, New England 21

WEEK 14
Chicago 34, Washington 10
Carolina 24, Jacksonville 21
Dallas 21, Detroit 9
Miami 24, Buffalo 20
Philadelphia 24, New York Giants 22
Green Bay 16, Oakland 10
Pittsburgh 38, New England 21
San Diego 17, Tennessee 12
St. Louis 33, Cincinnati 26
Tampa Bay 14, Houston 11
Seattle 34, Arizona 14
Minnesota 31, San Francisco 3
New York Jets 13, Cleveland 0
Kansas City 28, Denver 17
Indianapolis 41, Baltimore 27
Atlanta 27, New Orleans 24

WEEK 15
Denver 24, Houston 11
Cincinnati 23, San Francisco 9
Arizona 12, New Orleans 10
Atlanta 32, Tampa Bay 22
Baltimore 31, Miami 23
Buffalo 10, Cleveland 6
St. Louis 26, Green Bay 23
Pittsburgh 27, Jacksonville 7
New England 40, New York Jets 16
Seattle 17, Carolina 10
Kansas City 34, Tennessee 27
Oakland 20, Indianapolis 17
San Diego 35, Detroit 20
Dallas 34, Philadelphia 19
New York Giants 20, Washington 17
Chicago 34, Minnesota 23

WEEK 16
St. Louis 32, Pittsburgh 16
Dallas 20, Carolina 10
Cincinnati 42, Cleveland 34
Green Bay 30, Chicago 10
Indianapolis 17, Houston 10
Kansas City 19, Detroit 9
New England 19, Miami 10
New York Giants 30, Buffalo 16
Jacksonville 23, Oakland 21
Philadelphia 38, New Orleans 34
Minnesota 12, Washington 6
Arizona 20, Atlanta 13
Baltimore 19, Seattle 13
Tennessee 30, New York Jets 14
Tampa Bay 21, San Francisco 19
San Diego 35, Denver 31

WEEK 17
New England 28, New York Giants 27
Philadelphia 38, Buffalo 7
Tampa Bay 14, Carolina 3
Miami 23, Cincinnati 9
Dallas 27, Washington 17
Green Bay 10, Detroit 9
Jacksonville 24, Houston 10
Chicago 38, New Orleans 16
Pittsburgh 29, Baltimore 20
Atlanta 24, Seattle 23
Cleveland 22, San Francisco 20
Indianapolis 27, Tennessee 26
Minnesota 34, Denver 17
San Diego 40, Oakland 25
St. Louis 27, Arizona 21
Kansas City 28, New York Jets 7

FINAL STANDINGS

AFC East:
New England 9-7
Miami 8-8
N.Y. Jets 6-10
Buffalo 2-14

AFC South:
Indianapolis 9-7
Jacksonville 8-8
Tennessee 8-8
Houston 3-13

AFC North:
Pittsburgh 12-4
Baltimore 8-8
Cincinnati 8-8
Cleveland 5-11

AFC West:
San Diego 12-4
Kansas City 11-5
Denver 10-6
Oakland 8-8

NFC East:
Dallas 11-5
N.Y. Giants 9-7
Philadelphia 9-7
Washington 4-12

NFC South:
Atlanta 10-6
Carolina 9-7
Tampa Bay 7-9
New Orleans 6-10

NFC North:
Green Bay 12-4
Minnesota 9-7
Detroit 5-11
Chicago 5-11

NFC West:
Arizona 11-5
Seattle 10-6
St. Louis 8-8
San Francisco 4-12

WILD CARD ROUND
Kansas City 30, New England 29
Indianapolis 51, Denver 49
Minnesota 21, Arizona 17
Atlanta 36, Seattle 23

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
Pittsburgh 34, Kansas City 10
San Diego 34, Indianapolis 20
Dallas 17, Minnesota 16
Atlanta 20, Green Bay 17

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Pittsburgh 27, San Diego 20

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Dallas 34, Atlanta 28

SUPER BOWL XLII
Dallas 28, Pittsburgh 13

Enjoy the season.