Northbound

Had a minor accident yesterday; was driving up I-287 in a blizzard up to Morristown and tried to change lanes to get out of an exit-only lane. Hit a nasty spot of ice and spun out; the back driver’s side bumper of my beautiful red Chrysler 300M kissed the guardrail. Nobody hurt, no injuries to any other cars, and we ended up safely on the shoulder and called Triple-A. The back bumper is all caved in, the rear window and the turn signals are smashed to hell, as is the left rear quarterpanel and the trunk lid.

Could have been a lot worse.

October 6, 2012, is the date for the big Baylor-Notre Dame tilt — in New Orleans!  All right. 

The DMN article makes it clear that the only reason to have the game in New Orleans was to get out from under some pesky restrictions regarding the ESPN – Big XII contract — it’s OK for ND to play Pac-10 teams in Texas, but they have to go out-of-area to play a Big XII team.  All well and good.

I mean, yeah, if the game were in Arlington, I would still want to go.  But I know Arlington.  I’ve been to Arlington.  I’d just go to Pancho’s and hang out with my family and stuff like that.  I would much — much much much — rather go to New Orleans and see this game.  The French Quarter!  Beignets!  Crawfish etouffee!  Emeril’s!  Yeah, baby, yeah!  New Orleans!

I mean — the next two Baylor games I’m probably seeing are going to be in Storrs, Connecticut, and at Wake Forest.  You gotta be kidding me.  Compared to those non-touristy places, New Orleans is… I mean, I can’t even draw any comparisons here.

Baylor.  Notre Dame.  New Orleans.  I am so there.

I think that the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson has one thing right about Barack Obama and conservatives:

I  think there’s a simpler reason that so many Republicans speak admiringly of Barack Obama and say he would be the tougher candidate to run against. Obama disagrees with conservatives without demonizing them. He even invites Republicans to join him in building the post-partisan America he envisions.

Hillary Clinton, author of the phrase “vast right-wing conspiracy,” is more confrontational, to say the least.

I think this is almost certainly true.  And what is certainly true is that Barack Obama does a better job of not demonizing conservatives, than, say, Eugene Robinson (italics mine):

It would be insane to waste time and energy worrying that somewhere, doubtless in a high-tech subterranean lair, Republican masterminds are cackling over their diabolical plot: The use of reverse psychology to lure unsuspecting Democrats into nominating Barack Obama, an innocent lamb who will be chewed up by the attack machine in the fall. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Or maybe Republicans are using double super secret backward reverse psychology to exploit the Democratic Party’s congenital paranoia: Let’s say nice things about Obama so Democrats think we really want to run against him, and that will make them play into our hands by nominating Hillary Clinton, who so energizes the Republican base that we can actually win an election that we ought to lose. Cue another round of deranged mad-scientist laughter.

In alphabetical order:

1. David Barrett
2. Sandy Berger
3. “Bimbo eruptions”
4. Robert L. “Red” Bone
5. Almon Glenn Braswel
6. Juanita Broaddrick
7. Ron Brown
8. Johnny Chung
9. Henry Cisneros
10. Roger Clinton
11. Billy Dale
12. Joycelyn Elders
13. Mike Espy
14. FALN
15. Gennifer Flowers
16. Vincent Foster
17. Fourth World Conference on Women
18. Edgar Gregory
19. David Hale
20. Webster Hubbell
21. Michael Lerner
22. Bruce Lindsey
23. Craig Livingstone
24. Yogesh Gandhi
25. Elian Gonzalez
26. Madison Guaranty
27. Alexis Herman
28. Hsi Lai Buddhist Temple
29. John Huang
30. Webster Hubbell
31. Paula Jones
32. Ira Magaziner
33. Jim McDougal
34. Bernard Nussbaum
35. Hazel O’Leary
36. Janet Reno
37. Melvin Reynolds
38. Mochtar Riady
39. Marc Rich
40. Dorothy Rivers
41. Hugh Rodham
42. Tony Rodham
43. Rose Law Firm
44. Donna Shalala
45. Socks
46. Task Force on National Health Care Reform
47. Charlie Trie
48. Jim Guy Tucker
49. Carlos Vignali
50. Kathleen Willey

And, let’s not forget:

• Tammy Wynette

The Washington Post:

The Sunni insurgent group al-Qaeda in Iraq is telling its followers to soften their tactics in order to regain popular support in the western province of Anbar, where Sunni tribes have turned against the organization and begun working with U.S. forces, according to group leaders and American intelligence officials.

Yeah?  What else are they going to do?  Is al-Qaeda going to adopt a “global test” before setting off bombs where Iraqis can “understand fully why you’re doing what you’re doing and you can prove to the world that you did it for legitimate reasons”?  That’s what John Kerry wanted.  Are they going to participate in the big UN-sanctioned power-sharing convention that Barack Obama wants (right before he pulls out all American troops)?

“Soft tactics” in al-Qaeda-speech means, apparently, not cutting off the heads of women who go out in public without their headscarves — just warning them, and writing their name down for future decapitation.  For American liberals, well, it means surrender, or just short of it.

Not only should MLB rescind its appallingly stupid decision to cancel the annual Hall of Fame Game in Cooperstown (put in your vote at http://www.savethefamegame.com/), it should put its apology into action by putting a small fraction of its incredible, amazing profits into restoring Doubleday Field, which — although it’s a beautiful field in a pristine setting — is kind of a dump.  (I mean that in the nicest possible way, you understand.)

Is it some kind of rule that you have to have a Super Bowl prediction?  It is?  Well then.

I figure it this way.  Both the Giants and the Patriots are going to be tighter than drums going into this game, but the Patriots are going to be maybe just a little more loose, because they’ve mostly been there before and aren’t going to make as many mistakes.  I say that Eli Manning throws three interceptions, two of them run back for touchdowns, and the Patriots romp, 49-14. 

I don’t want this to be the outcome, of course.  And I certainly think the Giants can keep it close, and can maybe hang with the Patriots for three quarters — but if I had to predict, I’d predict that Eli Manning would hork it up big.

NB:  None of this applies if Manning gets keelhauled early and the Hefty Lefty, the Pillsbury Throwboy, Jared Lorenzen comes off the bench, because if he does, he’s going to lead the Giants to victory, and you’d never expect that, not in a million years.  Not that I’m cheering for that, either.  (Well, maybe I am, a little.)

Update:  The lesson, as always:  I’m an idiot.

I know, “Grand Prairie” and “four-star resort“.  I’m not feeling it, either.

FADE IN TO REVEAL INTERIOR.  A large WAITING ROOM, badly lit, stretching out into infinity, populated by average, somewhat baggy-looking men and women in various states of disarray.  There is nothing — no couches, no magazines, no iPods — nothing to do here but chat.  PAN across the room, showing its infinite depth.  In the background, the floor falls out from under someone, from time to time, and the person is enveloped in fire for a moment before disappearing.

ZOOM IN on a small knot of people, standing around, talking.

MAN #1.

So, how’d you guys get here?

MAN #2.

Um, I guess fornication.  Yeah, that was probably it.  Prostitutes, strip bars, late nights drinking whiskey, you know.  That sort of thing.

MAN #3.

Sounds juicy.  How’d you die?

MAN #2.

I don’t know.  Last thing I remember hearing was this girl was saying, “Oh, my God, my husband’s home.”  Might have been a baseball bat, or a tire iron.  Couldn’t tell you.

MAN #3.

That’s gotta suck.  I mean, when you die in a hail of gunfire while trying to rob a bank, like me, at least you know what killed you and why.  Not knowing, that’s gotta suck.

MAN #1.

Could be worse.  I got a lethal injection, down in Texas, and the appeals process took years.  At least you guys died quick.

MAN #2.

Oh, man, what did you do to get that?

MAN #1.

Oh, you know, rape, murder, carjacking.  Nothing special.  Hey, what about you over there?

MAN #4.

Me?

MAN #1.

Yeah, you, all quiet over there.  What’s your story?

MAN #4.

I am not supposed to be here, that’s my story.  I should be in Paradise, right now.  Seventy-two virgins, that’s what they said.  I fought for Allah, and this is my reward?  It’s not right.

MAN #2.

So what are you, some kind of jihadi terrorist or something?

MAN #4.

Yes, with al-Qaeda, over in Iraq.

MAN #3.

So what did you do that was so awful?  IEDs?  Car bombs?

MAN #4.

All I did was strap a bomb to these two women — just these random women, everyone thought they were crazy or retarded or something — and set it off in the middle of a pet market on a holy day.  That’s pretty much why they sent me here.  Lots of people died — women, little kids, that sort of thing.

MAN #1.

That’s heinous, man.

MAN #2.

I can’t believe you did that.  I mean, I’m going to hell and all, and I did some bad stuff, but nothing that bad.

MAN #3.

Little kids at a pet store?  And turning someone who’s disabled into a human bomb?  Dude, that’s pretty low.

MAN #4.

But I did it for Allah.

MAN #1.

Look.  I shot six people.  But I did it to steal their cars, because I needed to get out of town before the cops caught me.  That’s bad.  I mean, that’s evil, what I did.  I get that.  But I sure as hell didn’t blow up little kids at a pet store.  Even if I did something like that, I wouldn’t run around telling people God told me to do it.

MAN #2.

Yeah, that’s some serious Ninth Circle stuff you got going on.  I mean, I’m figuring I go to the Second Circle, but I hear that’s not too bad.  They even got a Starbucks.  But Ninth Circle, man, that’s a pit.

MAN #3 disappears in a gout of flames.

MAN #1.

Man, you’re going to be lucky if you get fire, where you’re going.  Cold down in the Ninth Circle.

MAN #2.

So, like, how’d you die, anyway?

MAN #4.

I don’t know.  Big explosion, guess it was a hand grenade.  All I know is the last thing I heard.

MAN #1.

Which was?

MAN #4.

“United States Marine Corps.”