Northbound

The Internet is a strange and frightening place, so it’s no surprise that you can buy a lot — and I mean, a ton — of merchandise featuring my hometown of Grand Prairie, Texas.

Oh, you might stop looking after you found the oval sticker. But you could keep on going all you wanted. Cafepress has every kind of pro-Grand Prairie sentiment you can imagine, on whatever sort of garment you desire. But what you really want, I imagine, is the Grand Prairie Gophers collection from an outfit called PrepSportswear, which has — I say this with confidence — every single type of Grand Prairie Gophers T-shirt you would ever want in your lifetime. (Oh, and they have stuff for you people from the other side of the tracks, too.)

And this — this is what floors me — they have Adams Middle School stuff, and LBJ Elementary stuff. I don’t know what to do about this. And there’s more. Milford Bulldogs? Check. Decatur Eagles? Check. Archer City Wildcats? Van Vandals?

If I don’t stop writing this now, I’m going to blow my T-shirt budget for maybe the next twenty years. I mean it. I won’t even have enough money to buy the Grand Prairie chandelier.

UPDATE: I bought four T-shirts — a gray Gophers shirt and a blue one, and a white Adams Panthers baseball shirt and a red LBJ Texans Kickball Team shirt, just because. And I paid for them, too, I just didn’t walk into the store before it was open and rip clothes off the shelves, and I durn sure didn’t bring along my pre-teen, even though that’s how they roll in Grand Prairie, if you believe surveillance tapes, that is.

RR, March 23, 1983:

Let me share with you a vision of the future which offers hope. It is that we embark on a program to counter the awesome Soviet missile threat with measures that are defensive. Let us turn to the very strengths in technology that spawned our great industrial base and that have given us the quality of life we enjoy today.

What if free people could live secure in the knowledge that their security did not rest upon the threat of instant U.S. retaliation to deter a Soviet attack, that we could intercept and destroy strategic ballistic missiles before they reached our own soil or that of our allies?

I know this is a formidable, technical task, one that may not be accomplished before the end of this century. Yet, current technology has attained a level of sophistication where it’s reasonable for us to begin this effort. It will take years, probably decades of effort on many fronts. There will be failures and setbacks, just as there will be successes and breakthroughs. And as we proceed, we must remain constant in preserving the nuclear deterrent and maintaining a solid capability for flexible response. But isn’t it worth every investment necessary to free the world from the threat of nuclear war? We know it is.

Reuters, today:

Within a year, the U.S. missile defense system should be able to guard against enemy attacks, while testing new technologies, the deputy director of the U.S. Missile Defense Agency said on Monday.

The United States activated the ground-based system last summer when North Korea launched one long-range and six short-range missiles.

North Korea’s intercontinental Taepodong 2 missile fell into the Sea of Japan shortly after launch but the short-range tests appeared successful, said Brig. Gen. Patrick O’Reilly, deputy director of the Pentagon’s Missile Defense Agency.

O’Reilly said there would be no formal announcement that the system was operational. He predicted the capability to defend against enemy missiles and to continue testing and development work would be achieved within a year.

“It’s just a matter of maturation,” he told reporters after a speech hosted by the George C. Marshall Institute, a public policy group.

I like how the General isn’t taking credit for the North Korean shootdown. Just “fell into the sea”, my eye.

I shouldn’t really make fun of the WSJ editorial page. It’s one of the best things on the web, if you ask me. I am subscribed to one of their e-mail services, and in that e-mail were these links:

Today on OpinionJournal:

Review & Outlook: Lou Dobbs and some Republicans pull an Al Sharpton.
Kim Strassel: In praise of Chuck Hagel.
Peggy Noonan: In praise of Chuck Hagel.
The Journal Editorial Report: Tune in this weekend for a discussion of Iraq, health care and energy policy.

And on the Taste page:

Brian Carney: Watching “24″ as a primer on moral philosophy.
Cameron Stracher: Watching “24″ as a primer on moral philosophy
David Gibson: Watching “24″ as a primer on moral philosophy

Wow, that’s a lot of praise for Chuck Hagel! And I don’t watch “24″ — never wanted to make the time committment — but I am surprised that the WSJ found the three people in America who watch it as a primer on moral philosophy, and invited all of them to write an op-ed. That’s very impressive, I think.

Okay, this is nuts. I can’t believe I’m writing this. But it could work. It almost has to work.

We take as our text today the Kevin Sherrington column in the DMN about the Cowboys coaching search:

The names circulating for weeks have been Wade Phillips and Norv Turner, a couple of logical candidates for many reasons, particularly if you understand Jerry’s history.

Phillips is appealing because of his long experience with the 3-4, something Mike Zimmer didn’t have. And unless you want to remake the Cowboys’ roster – Jerry doesn’t – making this defense work should be a priority.

Turner? He’d be an excellent mentor to Tony Romo, and he’d fix an inconsistent offense. He’s also one of Jerry’s favorites, a friendly reminder from an era that seems more distant every season.

Both Phillips and Turner are also players’ coaches. Don’t discount how much it means. Parcells didn’t know how to reach his players anymore. Or wouldn’t. Buck Showalter couldn’t, either, and that’s why Ron Washington is running the Rangers now.

Well, why couldn’t you have both? Phillips as the defensive coordinator, Turner as the offensive coordinator. Don’t tell me that wouldn’t be an awesome pairing. And it’s not as though either has a great background as a head coach, either. Phillips had a good run with the Bills, but never took them back to glory, and he was just .500 with the Broncos. Turner was even worse with the Redskins, and horrid with the Raiders. You want both to come in and be highly-paid coordinators, but neither to be the top guy.

So the Cowboys need a head coach who can handle the media, do all the interviews (which drove Bill Parcells crazy), deal with T.O., and stand on the sideline and take credit, but someone without a lot of experience who will lean on his coordinators.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am deadly serious about this. I know it sounds crazy. I know it’s insane. I know that this will lead to an ego rush of galactic, nay, Biblical proportions. But I’m saying it.

Jerry Jones should be the next coach of the Dallas Cowboys.

Call me crazy.

UPDATE: I take it all back, if, as SI.com suggests, Mike Singletary is a candidate. In that case, there’s only one plausible outcome. Sic. ‘Em. Bears.

The NYT on the stuff all the cool senior citizens are eating now:

Now other food makers, eyeing Activia’s success, are scrambling to offer their own products with special live microbes that offer health benefits, known as probiotics.

Probiotic foods have been popular in Europe and Asia for decades; in fact, Activia has been sold overseas since 1987. But there are challenges in replicating that success in the United States, including an American public that eats far less yogurt than Europeans and a culture that has traditionally relied on pills, rather than food and natural remedies, to remain healthy.

Still, given Activia’s popularity and the growing public demand for natural products in the United States, some experts say that probiotics have the potential to be this decade’s oat bran, which became a food sensation in the 1980s after it was shown to lower cholesterol levels.

“I know marketers will start looking to put it on everything,” said Bob Goldin, executive vice president of Technomic, a food industry research and consulting firm. But probiotic foods will sell only if they taste good and consumers believe they are credible, he said.

No. Thank. You. And anyone who goes putting bacteria in my food had better be able to run faster than me. I say it’s spinach, and to hell with it.

I’m much more comfortable letting the Reverend Horton Heat plan my menu. (H/T: XM Channel 12, Cross Country, off the radio satellite o’ love)

Look at all the cows in the slaughterhouse yeard
Gotta hit ‘em in the head, gotta hit ‘em real hard
First you gotta clean ‘em then the butcher cuts ‘em up
Throws it on a scale throws an eyeball in a cup

Saw a big Brangus Steer standing right over there
So I rustled up a fire cooked him medium rare
Bar-B-Q’ed his brisket, a roasted his rump
Fed my dog that ol’ Brangus Steer’s hump

Eat steak, eat steak eat a big ol’ steer
Eat steak, eat steak do we have one dear?
Eat beef, eat beef it’s a mighty good food
It’s a grade A meal when I’m in the mood.

That last word there is pronounced “moooooood”, in case you didn’t know.

I wasn’t going to post anything this morning. I was just going to check my e-mail and play a round of sudoku and get to work on the next chapter. That was pretty much it. I opened up my Yahoo inbox, and there was nothing. Except that Yahoo has news links when you open your inbox, and the first link said:

What I heard inside my brain was, of all things, the theme from Ironside, the one that Quentin Tarantino used so successfully in Kill Bill, the music that says:

It’s started. Hillary Rodham Clinton is running for President.

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go and buy a couple hundred pounds of canned food and bottled water, so that when January 2009 comes, and the awful thing happens, and Hillary gets elected, I can survive in the basement for four years. Not that I think it will happen, and I will use my vote and all of my blogging power to make sure that it doesn’t. But it never hurts to be prepared.

So sound the general quarters. All hands on deck. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Today’s news item about Grand Prairie involves a temporary resident, not a native, and good riddance to him:

Sallisaw Police Chief Shaloa Edwards said Diewanies Kent Holland, also known as Jack, was arrested in Grand Prairie, Texas, at a hotel for a convenience store robbery in Midlothian, Texas.

Holland is accused in the Dec. 24 robbery at Diamond Express in Sallisaw and the Dec. 26 robbery of EZMart in Sallisaw. He also matches the description of the suspect in the Dec. 29 robbery of a convenience store in Muldrow….

Edwards said Detective Kevin Johnson with the Midlothian Police Department in Texas contacted Sallisaw Police Detective Sandra Girdner about a Jan. 6 robbery that occurred in Midlothian. The clerk in the Texas robbery identified the suspect. Holland was arrested in a hotel in nearby Grand Prairie.

Of course, they don’t say which hotel, which vexes me. Grand Prairie isn’t known for its hotels. It was either one of the nicer places, like the LaQuinta on I-30, or else it was one of the really ratty run-down places on U.S. 80, and I’d just like to know. But what makes the story interesting is as follows:

Holland was transported to Ellis County Jail in Waxahachie, Texas, where he admitted to the Midlothian robbery. Johnson reported that Holland went to prison in Texas in 1993 for robbing the same store in the same way.

That’s doing things the Grand Prairie way.

UPDATE: Okay, Grand Prairie hotel guests may be idiots, but those in Euless (another of our fine Mid-Cities) are even dumber.

(H/T: NoTW)

I really shouldn’t mock the Grand Prairie Historical Organization, and I know I shouldn’t mock longtime community leader Ruthe Jackson, but I find this a little hard to believe:

The GPHO was established in 1975 to continue the historical work begun by the city’s bicentennial committee, and to aid the newly established Historical Commission with fundraising efforts. It is no surprise that Ruthe Jackson, mayor pro tem and Grand Prairie historian, was the founding president; she is still an active member, spearheading the search for historically significant sites in Grand Prairie. The city has some 50 significant landmarks, and Ms. Jackson’s goal is have 100 designated by the city’s 100th birthday in 2009.

“I would be delighted to reach 100 sites if they are there, and if members can do the research required for designation,” she said.

I’m surprised there are 50. I mean, Grand Prairie’s a nice town and all, but it’s a backwater suburb. Nothing of true historical significance ever happens there, that’s kind of the point. I mean, the biggest historical event to happen in Grand Prairie was… what? The 2004 Breeder’s Cup? Wikipedia’s Grand Prairie listing says that a minor character on the SpongeBob show is from Grand Prairie, so we got that going for us. There was the fat white guy who was on the sequel to Sanford and Son. Bonnie and Clyde supposedly blew through town a few times. And there was, I seem to remember, a workplace shooting in the early 80′s. That’s about it.

This is not to say that Grand Prairie isn’t historically significant. Grand Prairie did help win World War II — one of the big North American Aviation plants was there, and Grand Prairie still hosts big defense plants that build Stealth bombers and missiles and whatnot. But 50 historical sites, going on 100? You’d have to convince me.

Congratulations to our Pakistani allies on a good piece of work in Waziristan:

A Pakistan army air strike on a militant camp near the Afghan border on Tuesday killed up to 20 fighters in a tribal area regarded as a hotbed of support for the Taliban and al Qaeda, according to intelligence officials.

“The operation was carried out at around 6:55 a.m. (0155 GMT) in Zamzola in South Waziristan, based on information that 25 to 30 miscreants, including foreigners, were present there,” said Major General Shaukat Sultan, Pakistan’s military spokesman.

Well, you gotta like that — setting aside the usual Reuters dodge of calling the terrorists “fighters”, like they were all training to be on The Contender, and the even more humorous Pakistani military spokesman calling them “miscreants”. But why, you may ask, did our erstwhile Pakistani allies choose this moment to strike?

The attack came hours after Defense Secretary Robert Gates landed in Afghanistan for talks with President Hamid Karzai, and follows comments by senior U.S. officials putting pressure on Pakistan to do more to stop Taliban fighters crossing the border to fight Afghan, NATO and U.S. forces.

It’s easy (very, very easy) to mock the Pakistanis for not doing more to stop Islamist terror, to control their borders, or even to expel Osama and Mullah Omar, and it’s easy to mock this particular effort as a way to keep Secretary Gates off their backs. But at least they’re trying, and at least they’re shooting at the right people. When you consider the declining level of public support for shooting terrorists in this country, any help we can get is worth honoring and celebrating. So two cheers for the Pakistan military, and don’t wait for a visit by someone in the Cabinet before you get out there and do it again.

Yes indeed, there’s some writing going on around these parts. For those of you keeping up — that’s about three of the nine people who read this blog, we’re on 65,500 words and counting, which means that I’m kicking some serious literary ass here. Yeah! I’m dropping paragraphs into Word the way that Tony Romo drops snaps.

http://www.txreviews.com/amazon/chapter25.html

Excerpt:

“Officer Silverstein,” Brooke said, “you’re a nice man. I like you. But Mrs. Lorenzo doesn’t listen to you. She listens to me. If it wasn’t for me, she’d starve to death in a week, and she knows it. Either that, or she’d get caught under an avalanche of books and not be able to dig her way out. I make sure she eats and I get rid of most of the books that are piled up around here, and all you do is drag writers off her front porch. She needs me a lot more than she needs you, and if I ask her nicely to read Mr. Quan’s book, I can assure you that she’ll do it. And as for the unstated assumption in your first comment, let me tell you, just because you’re not ever going to get in my pants doesn’t mean that I can’t get into Bobby Sudan’s.”

So, then there’s lunch, and a couple of errands that I’d like to run, and then I see if I spend the afternoon on Chapter 26 — I’ve already written the great opening line — or watch a movie or something. Either way, there’s been some serious literary updating going on here, and I’m kicking it old-school. Boo-yah.