Northbound

I’m just glad that I’m not President Bush right now.

SENATOR: So, Mr. Evans…

ME: Edmonds.

SENATOR: Very well. So, the day that Hurricane Katrina hit, I understand that you were on vacation?

ME: Yes, that’s correct, Senator.

SENATOR: Am I correct to say that you were out of the country?

ME: That’s right. I was in Canada.

SENATOR: So, when you heard the news of the hurricane, I assume that you reacted immediately.

ME: Well, we were worried about it. The local weather was saying that the storm track was headed for where we were, and that we might get some rain, and it did rain Wednesday night.

SENATOR: So I assume that you cut your vacation short, correct?

ME: Well, Senator, no. I mean we already had the rooms booked.

SENATOR: What were you doing when you heard about the levees breaking?

ME: Well, we we’d been away from a TV for most of the day, so we didn’t hear about that until late Monday afternoon, I think.

SENATOR: And you reacted immediately, correct?

ME: Well… no.

SENATOR: What do you mean, no?

ME: I mean no.

SENATOR: What was the first thing you did? Did you take aggressive action?

ME: Um… we went out to dinner.

SENATOR: Dinner?

ME: At Tony Roma’s.

SENATOR: Dinner?

ME: I got the ribs.

SENATOR: So while people were drowning in the streets of New Orleans, you were eating baby back ribs in a foreign country.

ME: No, that’s not correct.

SENATOR: Excuse me?

ME: I mean, it wasn’t baby back ribs. They were St. Louis style ribs.

SENATOR: Well….

ME: And it wasn’t really a foreign country. I mean, yeah, we were in Canada. But it was just Niagara Falls. You could look across the river and see America.

SENATOR: And then….

ME: We went to the casino.

SENATOR: I don’t believe this. Are you telling this committee that, with ten thousand people trapped in the Superdome, you went to a casino?

ME: We were on vacation. And there were lots of other people there; you couldn’t get a decent blackjack table.

SENATOR: Wouldn’t you say that this was an incredible lapse of judgment?

ME: Well, I only lost like three bucks. I did lousy at video poker, but I cleaned up on quarter slots.

SENATOR: But you cut short your vacation the next day, correct?

ME: Um, no. We didn’t get home until Friday.

SENATOR: Shocking, shocking. Typical of the response of most Republicans, I’m sorry to say. But when you got back, you finally started to assist in disaster relief and recovery efforts, right?

ME: Um, no. We didn’t do much of anything on Saturday, we were too tired.

SENATOR: But on Sunday?

ME: We had tickets for Spamalot.

SENATOR: This is unconscionable. I can’t understand this at all. If the hurricane had hit Fort Lauderdale, or St. Simon’s Island, or some other place where rich white Republican elitists live, you would have been right there, wouldn’t you?

ME: I don’t think so.

SENATOR: You would have given up your theater tickets and been right there helping out with relief efforts if the victims had been white, isn’t that correct?

ME: No, Senator, I wouldn’t.

SENATOR: Why not?

ME: They were hundred-dollar tickets. We’d bought them four months ago. We’d been waiting to see this show for months. I mean, I know there was a hurricane and all, but the theater was full. Nobody would expect you to give up theater tickets under those circumstances.

SENATOR: I’ll be the judge of that. Let’s see… you sent in your contribution to the Red Cross, correct?

ME: Well, no.

SENATOR: I didn’t think I could be more disgusted, but now I am.

ME: I did send a check — it was to Texas Baptist Men, they specialize in disaster relief…

SENATOR: Let me get this straight. You sent your money to a faith-based organization?

ME: Yeah, they do a lot of incredible stuff. You see…

SENATOR: I think we’ve heard enough here. Thank you, Mr. Evans.